Indian Rope

One of the many benefits of working legally in Thailand apart from the fact that it massively impinges on your freedom of choice of employer is that when you leave the country for any period of time you have to purchase a re-entry visa so that your existing visa isn't invalidated (what nonsense, I suppose Thais leaving the country invalidate their citizenship by the same logic). This of course costs 1000 baht and takes a small era to obtain from the immigration office on Sathorn. Did I write benefits? Sorry I meant something else beginning with 'b' and ending with 's'.

All credit to those down at immigration, they've designed not only a million and one ridiculous ways to extort money from Johnny Foreigner, they've designed a a queueing system with numbered tickets and counters and digital signs to help make that feeling of being screwed over that much more comfortable and organised.

When you enter the office you queue up for your relevant form (re-entry, lost passport, god bothering missionary visa etc.). Then you go and fill it in, glue your picture to it and go back and queue up for the number I mentioned earlier.

You do all of this, unless, you are a fat Indian cow in a bright pink sari made of enough material to unravel all the way to Kolkata, and a tilak the size of the same city's circumference stuck on your forehead. In that case the system doesn't apply to you and you may negate it by sheer obstinate will.

I mean queue pushing and then quoting Thai maxims such as 'jai yen yen' and 'mai pen rai' is one thing (and she did), but then trying to push in front when you have a ticket that reads 172 and the number at the board is still at 165 is in another dimension, especially when it's at the climax of a two hour wait. It takes some front trying to break the empirical laws of the numerical system.

On pointing out her basic faux pas, she had the cheek to ask 'why you cause problem?' On responding it's not your turn and you're screwing up the system causing everyone who's waiting their turn to wait longer,' she shouted '171 go home,' I replied 'yes but 166, 167, 168, 169 are all still waiting' she shouted 'why you fighting?' At this point, I considered for the first time ever, why Winston Churchill declared in response to requests to send food to India at the height of the Bengal famine of the early 1940s: 'I hate Indians. They are a beastly people with a beastly religion.' (I'm not even a fan of Churchill's apart from his Mary Astor comment, but you get my point)

I think my Grandad Booth had a similar problem with queueing and Indians and he affirmed at the time 'in England we queue'. I could of course be mistaken on this point but if I'm not, I definitely derived his queueing gene and hope it will be passed on to Bamboo.

Take it Easter than India

Bambhooo, Bambhoooo

A lot of the natives here are like that Harry Enfield character, Tim Nice but Dim except perhaps a little less nice and definitely more dim. I have especially noticed this in Bangkok, perhaps that's because everyone is living on top of each other and after a while it becomes simply too difficult to ignore their intelectual shortfalls, but when you reflect, wouldn't that be typical wherever you were living? I mean imagine 16 million Wiganers crammed into a relatively small and very hot city with acute traffic and sanitation problems.

In the case of Thailand and dimness we don't have to look much further than to their democratically elected Prime Minister, listen to him speak about anything and if you're not laughing, believe you me, you'll be crying. Consider that they spent a fortune on a coup, risked ruining ties with their beloved American Dad, lost a fortune in 'free' trade and tourism, re-wrote the constitution, disbanded the corrupt ousted political party and then when another party appeared with a different name and said we're that old party's lap dog (the one that caused all those terrible problems, mass demonstrations in Bangkok and whose leader was blatantly fiddling you), the people were given a choice and the larger majority, remarkably voted for that very lap dog party. What a worthwhile activity that turned out to be! Funnily enough the democratically elected Mr Popular is now hankering to have the new re-written consitution revoked/ammended/decimated, which would be the ultimate cherry on the cream cake of ultimate futility.

They're also linguistic numpties which makes teaching English or learning their language a complete nightmare. As it's coming up to my fifth anniversary since I first lived amongst these (on occasion) simple minded people I think I'm qualified to comment.

It is quite ironic how when speaking their language you have to get the exact correct sound or they have no idea what you are talking about, I mean what could I possibly be saying to you laundry woman? Can you please iron my shirt too, or have you got any salt and pepper please? How does Rajadamri sound like Ratchada to a Bangkok taxi driver if you don't say Rajadamreeeeee, the other day we had to save two Chinese people who were being taken for a ride (literally), when they said Lang Suan Lum, the taxi driver took them to Soi Rang Nam. But (and this is the irony) they cannot audibly replicate anything, anything at all, I have yet to meet one Westerner whose name they get correct, it's not difficult to repeat exactly the same sound you just heard, Paul, Pon, no Paul, Porn, Paul, Ron ad infinitum. They even correct you on English words, computer, no computeeeerrrrrrrr. So I think I'm being fair with my 'occasionally simple minded' statement, especially if we restrict this view to the arenas of politics and linguistics.

The other week in the park brought a great example of niceness and dimness, these lovely old dears were cooing at Bamboo, as locals tend to do. The natives seem to be obsessed with him, I can't complain about that but it does get worrying when full blown lepers jump out the the sewer and start licking him. Anyway, back to the old dears, Dtocky went to do her aerobics and as these old dears were all dying for a cuddle of Bamboo, I took him over to their park bench. Oh, they loved him (who wouldn't?) but then they asked his name. (Oh god please don't ask for his name, I'm sure my family in England share the same feeling)

We've come to a point where we know that hardly anybody gets his name correct, they are so linguistically challenged they can't say Bamboo or Dylan even (I often wonder if there's anything they can say apart from Mai mee, jing law). Bamboo comes out Baboon (even his Laotion grandad says Baboon ffs), Barun, Bamoo, Babool, Bamoon and just about anything possible but the correct one and Dylan comes out Dirron. We have however devised a system, if they look slightly intelligent then we say Bamboo (you can usually judge a Bangkoker's intelligence by checking their eyes, sometimes you can see brain activity behind them) but usually they have that numb nut glazed look to them, on those many occasions we say Donpai which is Thai for Bamboo so at least they grasp the concept.

So when the old dears asked, cheeu arrai ka (name what please?), I checked their eyes, they appeared to be fronting a functioning CPU with a functioning light emitter display so I said (oh god why did I say it) "Bamboo", confused looks, (Oh please no, I'll try again slowly B a m b o o) Barun? no Bamboo, Bamoo? Help, Help, Eject, Eject, switch to Thai "Don Pai" now they were really confused "Don Pai passaa Thai ber waa Bamboo passaa Angrit..." I waited with bated breath, cogs and wheels turned, one of those lucky Chinese cookies almost fell out and then they got it "Bambhoooo,", "yes", "yes, Bamboo, that's it", "Bambhooo," and then the old lady in the middle started pulling a face at me like a speech therapist would and continued, trying to get me to copy her "Bambhoooo," encouraging nods and smiles looking deep into my eyes for confirmation that I have grasped how to pronounce my own son's name "Bambhoooo"

So there you go, Bangkokers must be the only people in this whole universe, that when you're introducing your own son to them they will correct you on how you pronounce his name? And before you start with your 'perhaps they were just checking pronunciation blah blah' they weren't, they established the correct pronunciation in school, I could see that when Don Pai triggered Bamboo'

So there you go.

Take it East

Toast

Check out this classy innovative state of the art gadget we have for making toast.





It's called fire.

I know my other half is Laotion and my son is half Laotion, but when exactly I became Laotion I cannot say. The realisation dawned on me this morning as I crouched on our balcony faffing around with this contraption, a lighter, some disused kebab skewers, a newspaper and a disgarded plastic nappy bag making toast for half an hour.

It's a bit like that Samuel L. Jackson line in Pulp Fiction when he says, my girlfriend's a vegetarian, which pretty much makes me a vegetarian. My girlfriend's Laotion which pretty much makes me crouch around on a Sunday morning trying to get a fire going.

I wonder if the Communist authorities will go easier on us if I explain that I crouch, if they catch is in our illegitimate relationship, perhaps this is the passport.

Take it East

Myanmar Peaceful & Orderly - It's Official

Just when his last comment started to haze from the near indelible indentation it left in my mind, today I picked up the Bangkok Post and read.

Thailand's democratically elected Prime Minister has described Myanmar as a peaceful and orderly country with a military leader who is a good Buddhist who prays every morning... “Killings and suppressions are normal there but we have to know the facts,” said the Thai premier.

http://www.thaindian.com/newsportal/world-news/thai-premier-praises-myanmar-as-peaceful-and-orderly_10027969.html

I have that nauseous feeling again, my head feels dizzy, I want to cry out for all those poor and innocent people being systematically murdered, raped, beaten and silenced.

How can you be so close to such disaster but be so mentally distant? How can people in power be so callous? Would this man have been elected if he had said half of the things he has since taking power?

Tears for Burma, shame on Thailand.

Take it East

Bamboo's Video Diaries #01

Eating banana... man!

Bamboo does Sums

Bamboo does Sums, originally uploaded by oneboothy.

He got a bit bored the other day so we gave him some sums to do.

Renaldo & Clara

Renaldo & Clara, originally uploaded by oneboothy.

This was taken with the camera phone, we were out on the Ko San Rd over the weekend and this little girl ran out and started kissing Bamboo, so we asked her to do it again and got it on camera.

I Am the Resurrection

...

Down down you bring me down,
I hear you knocking down my door and I can't sleep at night,
Your face, it has no place,
No room for you inside my head I need to be alone.

Brown, Squire, Reni & Mani

Song for My Sugar Spun Sister

It's been a long time since I wrote to you so I thought I'd better make a good job of it. Every time I hear Ce Matin La by Air I think of you, a brass Yorkshire trumpet/accordion combination on soft French beats, like a sassy mid summer wine flavoured with Compo type stunts in disused bath tubs against rolling green hills. Biggie Smalls is my man these days, hence the delay in writing.

I'll never forget that first foray into Laos (Ce incursion la); Peruvians, French lessons, spring rolls, chocolate pancakes, tubing, a life changing sunset, Beerlao and an attachment to the local herb that bore pipe dreams which became reality when the sultry Mekong mist and haze faded.

Your prediction long ago came true, shortly after last seeing you in Halifax I came back. I was going to go to India but was talked out of it. I went to China instead. On the way, I stopped off in Vientiane to arrange my Chinese visa and bumped into Dtock. The visit to China was delayed although I did eventually make it to the breathtaking (in every way) Tiger Leaping Gorge. I was soon back in Laos and then believe it or not Thailand. We live together in Bangkok now with our four month old son, Bamboo. He's usually in good spirits but he went for his inoculations yesterday and has been overheating and tetchy since. He's playful and communicative like me, good looking, placid and easy going like his Mum. When he cries he screws up his face like I frown on a bad photo, it's uncanny it reminds me of my Dad in a bad mood, thankfully he doesn't cry too much.

Bangkok still attracts the chaff of the west and we're hoping we can get out of here before too long. We're planning the greatest of escapes whilst dodging the sun, tuk tuks and natives with no peripheral vision. Last I heard from you you were in Latin America with a Hawain called Victor, if you get to Little Havannah yell 'Viva Fidel' or you in Africa? Keep going keep going wherever you are.

Take it East

It's a Hard Knock (White Monkey) Life

This is by far the best rant I have ever read concerning teaching in Thailand. I cried laughing after reading this...

I have "some" moaning and groaning to do, so I guess I'm here at the right place to do so!

Teaching in Thailand at high school level is a farce and complete bullocks. In 2 years time I taught at 6 different high schools, ranging from the rich, private school to the poor government schools. Teaching at high school could better be referred to as teaching at "hell school".

I came to Thailand on 7 separate occasions, 7 consecutive years. I saw students everywhere in their cute white/black, white/blue uniforms. I saw great respect for their King and for monks and Buddism in general and I thought it would be a teachers heaven to teach such respectful and obedient people. I have some very good Thai friends and so I was so naive to think everybody was like that.

So.....as soon as I started to teach in Bangkok, I saw that my dream became an absolute horror movie. Children at school (high school that is) have no respect whatsoever. Don't get me wrong, not every student was bad. I had some nearly perfect classes like Mathayom 6/1, 5/1, 4/1 and these student were obedient and respectful and did what I asked them to do (doing their assignments, reading texts and so on) and it was a real pleasure to teach them, but unfortunately 90% of the classes following slash 1 (Mathayom 6/3, 5/3 whatever.....) were most of the time absolute hell. Especially the Mathayom 3, 4 slash 4,5 where pure hell.My biggest frustrations at school:- classes ranging from 30 up to 50 students in one class (impossible to handle and to teach)- Thai substitute teachers sometimes present, sitting in the corner of the class, who were supposed to help keeping order, doing nothing, just hang behind their desks without interfering- fighting, phoning (with their mobile phones), playing music on their mobile phones, playing soccer in the class room etc., you name it, I have seen and experienced all of it- people enter the classroom far too late and start to create chaos among the others- complete and utter disrespect in some classes because they think you are a farang, a white monkey (this was said to me in my face on several occasions)

At all schools I had no right to straighten them out. There are no rules whatsoever. Yes, I went to the head of department and the director on many different occasions and they came with me to the classroom and then after some "harsh talks" with the students, they were quiet for 5 minutes and then everything started again. I had classes full of wannabe pop stars, checking their faces and their Korean/Japanese soap-styled-hairdo's in their little pocket mirrors every single moment, just sitting there chewing gum and laughing about me. I had some very hard confrontations with them, telling them that they could laugh about me and disrespect me but at the end of the day I would still make my money and that is far more than they will ever make at the 7-eleven when they leave school.

Wise ass little shit-heads everywhere. They leave their books at home on purpose and just sit there wasting their time while chewing gum and completely disrespecting you. I had a Thai teacher, she was one of the English teachers that taught them 3 hours a week, and this woman always came to my worst classes, just to have a "peek". These classes were absolutely disastrous, no books, no understanding whatsoever of the English language, you name it.....She used to come to my class and ask me: "what are you going to teach them today?". I said to her:" they didn't bring their books again, like every day and they don't understand a word of English, so I can not read with them and practise pronunciation, so there's nothing much I can do". So she used to react a little pissed at me every time and so one day she started to get on my nerves and I told her:"Why is it, that these children have no understanding whatsoever of the English language while you, a Thai teacher who speaks Thai perfectly and also English perfectly teaches them 3 hours a week?". "If I would be able to speak Thai perfectly like you do and had the ability to explain them every single word, I bet your ass they would speak English quite well within a year". Yeh, bingo, she silenced....but didn't like what I said.

Yes, and I didn't like it, this same questioning routine several times a week while they don't handle any set of rules to straighten these children out who are unwilling to learn.Yes, nice line-up every morning at 8. Nice pep talk every morning at 8, but nobody gives a shit.I see 60 year old teachers who are working for the same school for more than 20/30 years and they don't have the energy anymore to do anything to improve the situation.

At one school some Thai teachers told me in my first week that my next 2 hours that day would be absolute hell and that no teacher could handle them, but that day I handled them perfectly, but every hour is a struggle, a war of words and mimic, a complete and utter headache crash course.

The list of what is wrong in the educational system in Thailand is endless and this is due to the system, the parents and the teachers.The system: at most schools were I was there were no exams! People just pass to the next year. No pressure, no study, no nothing.The parents: they don't give a shit and lack any substantial knowledge whatsoever to motivate and educate or force their children to study. School is just a building where you drop your pain-in-the-ass children and have some hours of peace and quiet. Later in the evening? Let's watch some soaps: evening long, brainless entertainment with beautiful-bad-acting-screaming-white-skin models (in whatever word order you want...).

After school they eat and then most of the children disappear again in the soi and go to the game-shops and play computer games till midnight or after, nobody gives a shit.The teachers: most Thai teachers don't care anymore, they just make a living and get their money anyway. Almost every farang teacher that I know does the same (and I know at least 30 in Bangkok). They tell me:"what the f*ck do you get angry about? The are just monkeys......take your money at the end of the month and just don't care about them! That's Thailand! It's a joke!

At the expensive private high schools they don't do much also, otherwise Hi-so daddy will take his child from school and put them somewhere else and teaching is big business in Bangkok, for the schools that is! Rich parents pay a lot to see their children off at some Hi-so school where the real native English speaking "monkey" teaches and where you have "English summer camps".

They all want "the real deal" to teach their children English.My list is endless. And also this "native English teacher" bullshit. The Thai still thinks that everyone coming from a native English speaking country is top and anyone else, non-native speaker is not good enough. What a big laugh! It's such a farce! I had a conversation with a guy from Manchester the other day and the day after with an Irish guy and don't forget the Cockney accent or Aussie..... God help us! Even I could hardly understand them!There are native English speaking teachers around for more than 20 years and what is the level of English till now among the common Thai? Zero and non-existing! Only some rich Thai people who have the money to go to some of the better schools, or the ones who can afford to go abroad, are able to speak English to a certain extend.And yes....all these little hustlers in the tourist areas like Khaosan and Silom/Sukhumvit, bar girls and such, they know to a certain extend to "use" the English language, standing or horizontal.

It's one big joke and unfortunately a sad one.I see teachers getting hired and getting paid 40/50.000 Baht a month, who have absolutely no good knowledge to be at these positions. But just because they are "handsome" and/or know the right people, schools and universities offer them a job (even ask them to marry their daughters...). Why do I get angry? I came because I like Thai people, I came to help them, no problem if I have to stay longer to teach them as long as they are eager and willing to learn, I will stay, even though it's my own time, nothing paid, I don't care.I am a real teacher..

Jeff K taken from Ajarn.com

Take it East

101 East - Thailand's new Prime Minister -09 Feb 08 - Part 2

So Young

On Sunday evening Bamboo made his first substantial forward motion and in finding a technique that if not graceful was at least somewhat workable decided to go for his first challenge and traverse length of the bed in front crawl.

After weeks of spinal flexions and extensions, finding himself in all manner of different positions and places, it was only a matter of time before he put the two movements together and came up with the wriggly worm technique of motion. Without much strength in his arms to prop him up and legs like unusually large bollards for a boy of three and a half months, it wasn’t going to be pretty. With steely Bamboo determination, he pitched his feet in for purchase and glided on his face. Once a steady rate of momentum was achieved he made up quilt in an impressive amount of time and celebrated his achievement by bringing up his last meal.

In celebratory style father wryly quipped to mother ‘at this rate it won’t be long before we can to send him to the shop’

Take it East

Discussing Gender in Thai Society

Is it wrong not to always be glad ?
No, its not wrong - but I must add
How can someone so young
Sing words so sad?

Sheila Take a Bow, The Smiths

I was going to write a blog about Bamboo, it's quite difficult to write about your child without writing a list of sentimental clichés, I will get down to it because life's a revelation at home with Bamboo and Dtock. I will also post more photos on my flickr site soon. I find myself wanting to be at home with them all the time and the the internet can wait (although I know it can't). School on the other hand is another story: let me get this out of my system and then hopefully we can all move on.

My highest level class is at the equivalent of lower sixth form in the UK, we've just covered a chapter talking about gender and the differences between men and women and how these differences can manifest themselves in culture and language. I then set the class the essay question for their end of term score: Are boys and girls treated differently in your home culture? Are they taught differently? Discuss similarities and differences in the ways boys and girls are treated.

The first piece of work I had to mark was this, all grammatical errors and syntax have been left 'unadulterated' to give the reader an authentic feel for the writer's raw originality, this is from one of the more gifted students (seriously).

In Thai culture, the family teach boys and girls differently. The boys mostly do anything with father and the girls mostly do anything with mother.

Most of Thai family think that the boys have to do anything with father because father is a man and they can teach the boys about how to be a gentleman. Father can teach the boys everything such as play football, ride a bicycle or do anything that the boys have to do.

Thai families think that if the boys mostly do anything with mother, the boys maybe homosexual or may be bisexual or may be deviate. Similarly, the girls mostly do anything with mother such as cooking, sewing, to iron clothes or how to be a good housewife or how to be a good lady.

So Thai family teach the boys and the girls differently. Because of a lot of reasons such as deviation, homosexual, how to be a good lady, how to be a gentleman etc. Most of Thai family give liberty to the boys and the girls but they also have rules for the boys and the girls to do anything in the right way and in the future, their boys and their girls will be a good gentleman and a good lady.

Panoopong Piroosawan.


I may call the Thais disorganised but when it comes to mind control they're geniuses. Nearly every essay contains myopic, chauvinist, nationalist rhetoric and sentiment. I wish I'd set the task how to make the perfect somtam.

Bob Dylan once said "Colleges are like old-age homes; except for the fact that more people die in colleges than in old age homes, there's really no difference." By that reckoning I'm in the business of mass genocide. And don't tell me you can't have genocide against your own race.

Take it East

Bamboo's Back

And this time it's for peeps!

Desperation Soi

They’re selling T-Shirts for the funeral
The pink revolution ran aground
The staffroom’s filled with talk show hosts
And an assortment of clowns
Here comes the blind Westerner
They’ve got him in a trance
As he heads for the naughty boys corner
With both hands in his pants
And the little green boys they’re restless
They need a coup deploy
As Dtocky and I look out tonight
From Desperation Soi

Superporn, she is so busy
Grabbing anyone that she can
reaching inbetween my pockets
she used to be a man
And in comes Lothario he’s moaning
"there’s something wrong with my spleen"
The bar girl says "buy me a drink baksida
and have your Listerine"
And the only silence left
Is the ambulance's noise
They won't be picking up
On Desperation Soi

Now the mess is almost hidden
If you cling to the fancy malls
The fortune telling lady
Is making political calls
All except for the paraplegics
And the Hunchback of Kao San
Everybody is in your way
Or else being a pain
And the good Samaritan, he’s selling
Freedom, feel good jump for joy
Releasing poor innocent birds tonight
On Desperation Soi

Now Noi, she's on an allowance
from her man, he's a nutter
a teacher's wage isn't enough
to keep her out of the gutter

To her life is not romantic
She is full of tricks
Her profession mimics religion
She gets beat on a crucifix
And the crane driver from London
Is moving on to Hanoi
Cos these chicks are getting old
On Desperation Soi

Taksin, disguised as Robin Hood
With cash for votes in a trunk
Sailing just off Hong Kong Island
He’s living in a Chinese junk
He sent his wife to face the charges
But he’ll be following soon
And he went off with Sven Goran
Reciting the Blue Moon
Now you would not think to look at him
He was ousted like a fallen cowboy
For creaming off tax payers
On Desperation Soi

Ajarn Filth, he keeps his world
In a transparent double life
Some of his sixth form pupils
Have gotten him in strife
Now her parents weren’t too happy
When they heard of the crude invite
"Those grades aren’t too far away
Waiting at my bar tonight"
His agency turned a blind eye
They only employ
Any feckless baksida who happens
On Desperation Soi

In the temples they’re taking orders
They’re getting ready for the new regime
The mumbling of the mantra
It’s just gone 4am
They’re spoon feeding veneration
The roofs are lacquered gold
Then they'll wallow in the reflection
Of their fantasy dream world

And the phantom's shouting to skinny girls
"Hold it in don't be annoyed
take it out of the next imbecile's wallet you see
On Desperation Soi"

Now at moonlight all the sampans
Are drifting in the tide
Let’s wait for the sun to rise
And not go to bed tonight
Then we’ll go back to the bungalow
Where a fluro sign reads
on the beam above your hammock
"follow your dreams"
but don't stay here for too long
For Helen of Troy
Is checking to see that nobody is escaping
From Desperation Soi

Praise be to Chinese tea shops
with no tea to be sold
you can bring your mother
but she has to ask in code
and the Swedish extra and the Jewish photographer
making out on baksida's hours
while ladyboy singers ask them for work
and Persian men hold flowers
between the hours of ping pong
Teacher Ron takes on the boys
So nobody tries to think too much
On Desperation Soi

Yes, I received your email yesterday
about that time years ago
When you asked how I was doing
Don't you know the score?
And from this desperate nation
yes, I know it's quite insane
just a plurality of races
except most of them look the same
right now I can't go out too much
because I have to avoid
stooping grovelling salesmen
On Desperation Soi

Take It East

Bring on the Arsenal

Here comes my second ever blog and I apologise but I want to talk about football. Not football in itself but the 'Universal Language of Football'.

The immediate motivation for this blog comes from a 14 year old Thai boy called Bombay, on Monday I was taking a class, it was the first time I had met them. As per the routine, I introduced myself as Paul from Manchester in England. I have gone through this routine so many times, it almost becomes insincere, usually in Thai classes you get a few people shouting Man U, at this point I laugh and say Manchester is a City, Man U is not.

On this occasion last monday however, something different happened a hand shot up, nobody spoke, I acknowledged the hand, Bombay's hand. In perfect English he asked me which football team I support. It stopped me in my tracks, a perfectly delivered question from a Thai student asked as naturally as I would ask a new work colleague in England the same thing. I told him Burnley and he immediately said 'ahh, you beat Liverpool in the cup'....Grade A for Bombay.

Reader, if you are following so far then you are probably aware of the mandatory conversation that goes on between any two males of European (and probably South American) descent at the onset of an introductory conversation. It's like an ice breaker, who do you support? Or words to that effect. If you are not then you should be, this happens it really does.

Like Toby for instance, he's half Thai half Swede we met before a 14 hour coach journey from Bangkok to Satun, it didn't take long for us to start talking about the beautiful game. The conversation went something like this... where are you from? Sweden. Do you like football? Yes, who do you support Man U? (sarcastic English put down) Yes I love Man U.... later in the converation Toby set about lacerating English football and it's seminal narcisstic attitude which can so easily be conveyed as arrogance. The conversation went on and on, but here we have two adults from two different backgrounds communicating about a subject so deep to themselves and yet so empty and meaningless on the great plain of things (my mum will love that last bit if she made it this far)

'It's just 22 men kicking a ball around a field' Anonymous

'It's not a matter of life and death, it's more important than that,' Bill Shankly

'Never trust a man who doesn't like football,' Frank Skinner's dad

I love football talk, I could go on for hours, some people can quote facts and figures some people know their history, others play so much Champ Man it destroys their life. But in itself it is an amazing form of communication and.... bringing me back to Bombay it is a motivational tool to encourage one 14 year old Thai boy who has never even left Thailand to learn and talk like an Englishman about an Englishman's religion (sorry Toby a Swede's too).

I'd like to thank everyone who I've ever played or talked about football with, to or at. Especially my Dad who introduced me to the game by lifting me over Turf Moor's turnstiles every next Saturday and sitting me on the terraces front fence on many a cold miserable (depending on the result even more miserable at 4:50, Saturday afternoon) East Lancashire afternoon.

As I finished editing this, the Thai afternoon monsoon hit, the sun came out, the Thais outside continued playing football in the very heavy rain and a rainbow appeared over Thailand's proud fluttering flag.

Blog On

That was my second ever blog lifted from my previous space. Just as relevant then as it always will be, today I am football effected, Burnley v Arsenal will be beamed into my flat in central Bangkok and all I can do all day is fidget and dream about the impossible happening. This will be the second time I've ever caught a Burnley game over here, the less said about the last the better. No more dissapointment (I know I set myself up for these falls, but isn't that what it's all about)

Come on You Clarets

Take it East

Happy New Year From Dylan Bamboo Nat Booth

Happy New Year From Dylan Bamboo Nat Booth, originally uploaded by oneboothy.

Hope to meet you soon wherever you are. Bamboo

Bamboo: The First Laotion Claret says...

'All we want for Christmas... is a play off place.'

Happy Christmas From the Beach to Everyone Back Home

Take it East

Dylan Bamboo's First Language Class

Audio recommended